1. |
Be Still
03:08
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take a long look down, you'll be scraping yourself up off the floor again soon 'cause you can't shut your mouth, you're still glued to the earth but keep expecting the moon. and it's pretty damn late here in your third decade to keep on thinking things will change.
so cry me a river you got everything you want and you still can't stop. keep on fighting forever and don't ever take a break, turn around, or surrender. and man, your feet must be really starting to kill - so just close the door and be still.
take a big deep breath, you'll be gasping for air awake in bed again soon 'cause you can't outrun death, you're just sweating wasted hours while the clock still moves. and it's been a pretty long time here in the back of your mind to keep on wondering what you'll find.
so cry me a river you went and followed your heart, found it back at the start. keep on running forever and don't ever take a breath or slow it down for whatever. and man, your feet must be really starting to kill - so just close the door and be still.
let's be real a minute, you'd never dream of leaving this behind. you kept your head above through the high tides and always will - so just close the door and be still. just open your arms and be still.
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2. |
Old Friend
03:56
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i think i left a friend in california on a summer afternoon in santa cruz. swimming in the waves, i started drifting. when my head went under, you didn't even move.
and i know this love of mine roughed your tide. the stormy seas were churning when the lighting flashed and drove you from my side.
so i guess i ain't ever gonna hear from you again. i guess i'll tell my kids about an old friend from when daddy used to sing his songs and we felt the bowery sing along, the night before that hurricane blew in.
i think i left a friend outside the airport at curbside check-in just before the dawn. there was engine noise, the 405 was screaming. if my plane went down now, would you scream along?
and i know this love of mine wrecked your flight. the choppy air was moving when the thunder clapped and drove you from the sky.
i remember the last time i saw you at some awful midtown happy hour dive. we said, "good luck man, maybe someday i'll call you" but we were full of shit, lying eye to eye. i closed my tab, i blamed worked in the morning. i shot a text under the table, smoked, and split. i caught a cab up to east 64th street and i haven't looked back since.
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3. |
Black Friday
03:57
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i'm sitting at this upright piano in the corner of my living room in the house where i grew up. time has made each black out of tune and slightly flat, put miles on my throat so i'm straining through each song i try to sing. i can hear everyone singing with me.
i'm watching ghosts walking through the hallway from a dozen or so years ago, it all feels like yesterday. time has made each voice out of tune and slightly warped, put miles in between us so i'm shouting out each word i try to speak, but this room's really speaking to me.
and i can still feel the basement shaking. a marshall stack is feeding back, plastic cups spilled on the floor. and i can still hear kitchen conversations, college bound, counting down, blowing smoke right out the door.
i'm standing tall at the top of the stairs, friends in sepia tone getting old before my eyes. time has pushed those hands out of touch, too far to grab put miles in between us so i'm defending every choice i had to make. what path you want me to take?
i'm laying down now, old iron bed frame where i used to fall apart, lost all that sleep over you. time has pushed those nights out of mind and out of sight, built a clock up in my head that's counting backwards in my dreams. someday time's gonna run out on me.
won't you shut the goddamn door, you're letting all the cold air in.
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4. |
Pushing My Luck
03:13
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driving to the coast with ellie sitting shotgun, feet on the dash, singing along to the songs on the radio with her hair pulled back. cut to the postgame, i'm downing doubles and checking my phone, trying to fake it through another night of leaving you alone.
'cause i could have sworn something flickered in your eyes. was that your hand brushing my thigh mistakenly?
if i ever was confused by what you're thinking, now would be the time to let me know. 'cause i can feel my pulse, it starts to quicken. it's time to make a move or let you go.
back at the motel, we're sipping beers in separate beds. i told myself i'd never let you in my head again. but i'm starting to nod off so i'm not sure if it's a dream, but i could swear i hear your heart beating beneath the sheets.
and i could have sworn i heard you shuffle to your right. were those the whites of your blue eyes fixed on me?
'cause someone's probably gonna get hurt soon if i don't stop pushing my luck with you. someone's probably gonna get hurt soon but i don't think that's something i can do. i can't stop pushing my luck with you.
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5. |
The Way I Used To
02:59
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i just realized i don't sing the way i used to anymore, i'm always keeping it down for the neighbors. so i lost these high notes i used to hit when i was belting, plus these steam heat winters didn't do me any favors.
and i used to have the stage on the weekends in my younger days for stretching out these cords when i still had something to say. at some local show about a hundred miles away...
i just realized i don't write the way i used to anymore, i'm always tired out before i find the paper. i left resentful days and lonely nights behind me now, those stories all got old sooner or later.
and i used to have this ache in my apartment keeping me awake, up sketching out these plans for keeping misery away. but the meaning of those songs all seemed to change...
so what if i had taken your advice? keeping up that act and i'm still searching for my wife? what if i had swallowed all my anger 'til the end? is that really what you wanted in a friend?
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Matt Talmage New York, New York
occasional songwriter from nyc.
used to have a band called man in a crowd.
mostly just play for my cats now.
@MattTalmage
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